Why you should carry a handkerchief

One memory of my childhood that will stick with me always is the sound of my father blowing his nose. He always does it the same way with his handkerchief. Blow, rub nose, put the handkerchief away.
When I was a young man, I thought a handkerchief was for old people, like dentures, Ben-gay, and scotch. I mean really, a handkerchief was kind of a nasty idea and I didn’t have to blow my nose much anyways.
Over time, I came change my view. Like many young men, as I got older, I began to see the wisdom of my father, grandfather, and other men of older generations. By your late 20s, you begin to realize how foolish some of your ideas of your early 20s were about what you would and wouldn’t do in life.
So, for probably the last 10 years, I’ve carried a handkerchief in my back pocket. And you should too.
Before you dismiss the idea, give me a chance to discuss it a bit.
For those that don’t know, a handkerchief is usually a white cotton piece of cloth that is roughly a foot square. There are a few different kinds, like the handkerchief designed to stick out of a suit pocket, but the kind I’m talking about is the simplest kind.


The white cotton is soft and tightly woven to give it some strength. So people like them ironed, but I prefer the soft fold instead.
The main use is for blowing and wiping your nose. This may seem unhygienic, but actually it’s not. When you get out your handkerchief, you will see that it naturally unfolds and you don’t use the outside. You use the inside.
After a day’s use, it goes into the hamper with other clothes to be washed. I have dozens, they are cheap.
Now you young men, especially of the dating age, listen up. The handkerchief is key tool for impressing women. Yes, they will dig it the most. Not only will you appear to be older and wise to the world, you will be prepared for the ultimate smooth move.
It’s not untrue or demeaning to say that women cry, they are more in touch with their emotions than men. A young man will undoubtedly encounter a young women breaking into tears at some point. To score huge numbers of points, have that hanky ready. Offering it to her shows her that you are helpful, prepared, and the other Boy Scout laws. In other words, you are showing yourself to be a gentleman. Women love this kind of thing. Trust me on this.
There a ton of other things you can use a handkerchief for:
1) Blow/wipe nose
2) Dry a women’s tears
3) Cough into to avoid spraying others
4) Bind a wound
5) Cover your mouth from dust
6) Wipe up a mess (very useful as a father of toddlers)
7) Use in a magic trick
8) Tie the corners to make it into a small bag
9) Clean your pocketknife or other tool
10) Wave to get someone’s attention
11) Clean dirt off your hands
12) Wipe lipstick off your face
13) Clean your glasses
14) Use to avoid leaving fingerprints
15) Convince a man to kill his wife
And finally: Wipe sweat from your hard-working brow

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14 thoughts on “Why you should carry a handkerchief”

  1. You might want to add that the guys should give a crying girl a “clean” handkerchief instead of a snot filled one.
    That is bound to turn some women off.

  2. Throw it right into the hamper, eh? Yep, that’s the way I like my clothes washed…in a soapy soup of spent boogers.

  3. Boogers are basically mucous and dirt – things that are normally on your dirty clothes anyhow.

  6. Just be careful what color hankerchief you carry. I don’t know what it all means, but I know there is some sort of code that says if you carry a green hankie it means you like goats or something like that.

  7. You and my Dad are the only two people I know who carry hankerchiefs.
    And I guess I fall into the camp of “I don’t get it” in regards to putting a hanky full of boogers back into your pocket.

  10. The only time I carry a hanky of any kind is when I’m camping. It’s a must have. Other than that I usually have a paper tissue or napkin in my pocket so I can throw that mess away.

  11. I have carried two – one in each back pocket. The right I use similar to the 15 use list. The left I have available for my wife. Perhaps she only needs it once a month, but she sincerely appreciates my always having a clean handkerchief for her.
    Another unexpected payoff during a sandstorm at White Sands National Monument. We both had a way to cover our faces with a breathable fabric.

  12. Living in the US spoils us in some ways….paper is cheap and readily available everywhere. When you travel it becomes very necessary to carry a hanky otherwise you will need to wipe your wet hand on the seat of your pants…

  13. 0) Simple, inconspicuous container for home-grown biological weapons.
    Really, carry your bodily discharge around with you? Do you wear a colostomy bag as well?
    When I got sick as a child, I’d stay at my Grandma’s while my parents were at work. She always gave me a hankie, one hankie, to use throughout the day. Even then I thought it was disgusting.
    Hoarding contagions in your pants pocket is hardly a sign of wisdom, my friend.

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