One memory of my childhood that will stick with me always is the sound of my father blowing his nose. He always does it the same way with his handkerchief. Blow, rub nose, put the handkerchief away.

When I was a young man, I thought a handkerchief was for old people, like dentures, Ben-gay, and scotch. I mean really, a handkerchief was kind of a nasty idea and I didn’t have to blow my nose much anyways.

Over time, I came change my view. Like many young men, as I got older, I began to see the wisdom of my father, grandfather, and other men of older generations. By your late 20s, you begin to realize how foolish some of your ideas of your early 20s were about what you would and wouldn’t do in life.

So, for probably the last 10 years, I’ve carried a handkerchief in my back pocket. And you should too.

Before you dismiss the idea, give me a chance to discuss it a bit.

For those that don’t know, a handkerchief is usually a white cotton piece of cloth that is roughly a foot square. There are a few different kinds, like the handkerchief designed to stick out of a suit pocket, but the kind I’m talking about is the simplest kind.

The white cotton is soft and tightly woven to give it some strength. So people like them ironed, but I prefer the soft fold instead.

The main use is for blowing and wiping your nose. This may seem unhygienic, but actually it’s not. When you get out your handkerchief, you will see that it naturally unfolds and you don’t use the outside. You use the inside.

After a day’s use, it goes into the hamper with other clothes to be washed. I have dozens, they are cheap.

Now you young men, especially of the dating age, listen up. The handkerchief is key tool for impressing women. Yes, they will dig it the most. Not only will you appear to be older and wise to the world, you will be prepared for the ultimate smooth move.

It’s not untrue or demeaning to say that women cry, they are more in touch with their emotions than men. A young man will undoubtedly encounter a young women breaking into tears at some point. To score huge numbers of points, have that hanky ready. Offering it to her shows her that you are helpful, prepared, and the other Boy Scout laws. In other words, you are showing yourself to be a gentleman. Women love this kind of thing. Trust me on this.

There a ton of other things you can use a handkerchief for:

1) Blow/wipe nose
2) Dry a women’s tears
3) Cough into to avoid spraying others
4) Bind a wound
5) Cover your mouth from dust
6) Wipe up a mess (very useful as a father of toddlers)
7) Use in a magic trick
8) Tie the corners to make it into a small bag
9) Clean your pocketknife or other tool
10) Wave to get someone’s attention
11) Clean dirt off your hands
12) Wipe lipstick off your face
13) Clean your glasses
14) Use to avoid leaving fingerprints
15) Convince a man to kill his wife

And finally: Wipe sweat from your hard-working brow

Posted by michael at March 07, 2005 12:11 AM