December 04, 2004
The Triumphant Return of Gwar

Last night, Gwar played in Hollywood.

Earlier in the night was my company holiday where I shook many hands and drank a number of cocktails with my corporate co-workers. Around 8 o'clock I left and headed up Sunset to the Key Club where Gwar was playing.

Ready to become a loyal slave of Gwar, I changed into the requisite white t-shirt and headed to enter the club. Yoshi was the only one I knew brave enough to attend, but when we got there, the tickets were sold out. I had bought mine in advance, but Yoshi was out of luck.

Into the show I went and grabbed a beer. The last show was at the Whisky and cozy. The Key Club is bigger and has this stupid stairway down right in the middle of the floor.

After a good bit of crowd chanting 'GWAR! GWAR! GWAR!', the Scumdogs Of The Universe took the stage and it was on.

Beefcake the Mighty (L) and Oderous Urungus (R)

Pounding heavy metal riffs hit the crowd, and on stage Gwar dragged John Kerry onto stage and proceeded to cut his head off as a 'fucking loser'. The crowd went nuts.

The songs were fast and furious and so were the killings, just as Gwar demands. Next up was Governor Arnold, Paris Hilton, and Michael Jackson. Blood and fluids sprayed with abandon through upon the crowd.

Next up was perhaps the most un-politically correct victim of the show, Laci Peterson, who was brought on stage for destruction as well. Moving back into more familiar territory. Osama bin Laden took the stage and swung around his nuclear bomb to the strains of my favorite Gwar song, 'Bring Back the Bomb'. Damn I love that song.

Osama was dispatched promptly and no sooner than was his carcass dragged off stage did the 'special guest' appear. Oderous first thanked the crowd for electing the 'stupidest man ever' which is 'a very good thing for Gwar' as President. Soon President Bush appeared on stage and crowd went into frenzy. The President spoke a little to the crowd, began to masterbate, and then Oderous said 'Shut the Fuck Up' and cleaved him in half. The crowd completely lost it at this point and I thought the building would collapse from the sound and fury inside.

After that Oderous went into a more gentle number that I didn't know the name of and the blood rage of the crowd dropped a bit. Soon enough the 'most fearsome foe' Gwar has faced appeared on stage. The recently zombified Ronald Reagan had been combined with and M1 Abrams tank to form the Reaganator.

Oderous Urungus prepares to slay the Reaganator

After a titanic battle, the wily foe was slain and Oderous celebrated by covering the crowd in 'syphilitic pus' from his very own diseased phallus. We slaves were so lucky.

So, as all can plainly see, it was a great show. To those of you that could have gone, but didn't, you fucking suck.

Posted by michael at December 04, 2004 08:51 AM